A night in Hell

I’m old. I don’t stay up until 2:00 AM any more. Not even on a vacation, which we are on in lovely Baltimore.

We’re staying in a new hotel, Hotel Monaco, only open a few weeks. Sure there have been a few growing pains associated with any new hotel. The mini-gym isn’t open yet which didn’t please me much. But it has been a pleasant stay.

But back to not staying up too late. 2:00 AM is not a time I’ve seen in a long time. I barely stay awake through an entire episode of “Law and Order.”

What can I say, my dears, but I’m old.

Last night was no exception. I did see the end of the 10:00 PM program, but just barely. At 2:00 AM, I was happily dreaming of performing. A big stage; bright lights; a full house.

A Greek comedy filled with hunky, shirtless men acting their butts off to an adoring audience. And, did I say, I was the star?

Yes, I was the star. It was the final scene and I was about to deliver my final soliloquy when…
Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; “A fire has been reported in the hotel. Please exit the building. Do not use the elevators.” Beeeepppp!

“Who is this person stepping on my lines?” was all I could think. “They are ruining my performance. Don’t they know this is the climax?”

Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; “A fire has been reported in the hotel. Please exit the building. Do not use the elevators.” Beeeepppp!

I noticed the flashing strobe light. “Greek comedy didn’t use strobes!”

Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; “A fire has been reported in the hotel. Please exit the building. Do not use the elevators.” Beeeepppp!

About this time, I realized that the real world had intruded on my dream world. My life partner sat up in bed. “What the hell is this about?” he demanded.

“They say to exit the hotel,” half yelling to be heard over the noise.

We threw on our clothes from the day before. “Where’s Buddy?”

We started looking. We combed through the suite, quickly looking behind and under every piece of furniture. Finally, we found him cowering under the king size bed; center near the head board. We couldn’t reach him and he was too scared to come to us when we called.

We had two choices, leave the rabbit to perish in the fire or move the bed. We moved the bed.
2:00 AM, we moved a king size bed; tossing it to the side is if it were a dirty t-shirt. Buddy’s sanctuary ruined, decided to run. We caught him, tossed him into an oversized carrier we bought special so he would have plenty of room while traveling on this trip.

Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; “A fire has been reported in the hotel. Please exit the building. Do not use the elevators.” Beeeepppp!

We stumbled into the hall; fully awake now; adrenaline pumping; realizing that we were on the top floor. The fourteenth floor had such great views, we couldn’t resist. I told my partner at check in, “you know that this is really floor 13 and nothing good could come from staying on the 13th floor.”

Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; Beeeepppp; “A fire has been reported in the hotel. Please exit the building.
Do not use the elevators.” Beeeepppp!

We obeyed. We found the stairs. Other bleary eyed people were making their way down. We started walking carrying an oversized pet carrier with a hyperventilating rabbit.

It took about 10 minutes from the first note of the fire alarm to the time we hit the sidewalk.

Firemen were in the building looking official; making sure we got out safely.

I heard the manager ask one of the firemen, “Did you see smoke coming from a floor of the building?”

Maybe this was real after all. My brain started to flash on the things I left behind. I didn’t even put on shoes, being more concerned with Buddy. “I’m going to be walking around Baltimore without even a pair of shoes. I’ll starve; ‘No shirt; No shoes; No service.’ I’ve seen the signs.” My thoughts were coming fast and furious.

But then my brain flashed on my phone. “I can’t live without my phone and it fell off when I picked up the pet carrier.”

2:38 AM. We had been on the sidewalk for what seemed like an eternity. My partner stroked Buddy trying to calm him down. “But he had shoes on,” I thought.

Someone from the hotel came out and said something, but I couldn’t hear a word. He was too far away. Some people started to walk back into the building. “Is that it? Is it over?” I thought.
We all moved back into the ground floor. The staff provided little explanation beyond, it was a false alarm.

We got back to our room by 3:00. We set the bed back up; let Buddy out of the carrier and continued to try to calm him.

3:38 we got back in bed. “You think you can sleep?” my partner asked.

I was tired, but the adrenaline was still pumping. “I don’t know.”

We snuggled until about 5:00, finally dozing off. But at 7:30, the damn fire alarm woke us again. This time, I wasn’t having pleasant dreams of being the star of a Greek comedy.

Like old pros, we exited the building. This fire alarm thing is not something I want to get the hang of.